I sat on my couch last night after inhaling five graham crackers(I know not good) and tried to come up with every reason in the book why I should stay there. I left the house at 11:09 I wish I had the side eye emoji so I could give it to myself (but I am not that advanced). Needless to say it was the best 40 minutes of my life and I am so happy that I went, even though I kept looking at that clock and praying for the end lol. Rome was not built-in a day, but I made it to the gym two days in a row even if it was kicking and screaming.
My daughter apologized to me for the first time in her teenage life and it actually felt genuine. I realized that I am hard on her the way my mother was hard on me, even though I say the I love you’s they may get lost amongst the BS. Self realization, and I am almost a week into my 365.
Side note: is there is there life on the other side of a fupa (asking for a friend)
I really want a snack or a nice juicy blue cheese burger with everything on it and a salad on the side. January has not come as yet and even when it does I do not believe burgers are going to be on my menu any more. But this carb craving is real, I had a smoothy and water and yet I want to lay down and close my eyes and open them to February 1st.
Yesterday was as an amazing day, I had nothing planned, no list no specific destination just me time. all I knew is that I needed to be consistent and that I had to stay positive, go to the gym before I went to bed and I couldn’t eat. Well I cheated and had lettuce with cucumber, carrots, beansprouts, and some cilantro sauce it was yummmmy. Best cheat ever, and I don’t feel and ounce of guilt, life is not perfect and I did not expect to get through this fasting week without a few pitfalls. Its the end results Im interested in.
I’ve posted pics on the IG page if you are interested, this double journey though, PATIENCE
This morning I woke up, and I almost went back to the normal routine that I have fallen into for the last 40 years. Then I saw the news of the mass shooting in Las Vegas, made sure my daughter was safe, thanked the lord and prayed for the souls both dead and alive.
I have no planned or scheduled time in which I am going to write, I just know I must in order to keep myself accountable. As I sit here forever on hold in customer service hell it seemed like the best time. My body is screaming for new ink and I think I am going to give in, this will be a First Date alone so to speak. Why I always thought such a personal thing needed to be a group event is beyond me.
Since I have committed myself to these #consistentbaggagedrop120 I need to get moving and just do it no matter what. Lemon water was the beverage of choice this morning, which will be followed by some type of detox drink, pray for me. Gym and walking today and constant affirmations of positive thoughts only. My focus for the next 120days will only be what I have and how I can utilize it to make me a better person. How do the people in my life contribute to my life and how do I contribute to theirs. Am I truly being my best self.
I am the most impatient person in the world and feel that this should all be completed in one day, WHY can’t it lol… I need to learn patience!
While I set out on this journey to date and rediscover myself today I decided to start another journey that will last 120 days. Lets call it a goal I set for myself, no drinking, no meat, no bread, rice, pasta or dairy ( and love Ice cream so this is horrid). The other goal I am trying for is consistency and follow through. So on top of all of these things I am going to the gym six days a week even if I don’t want to Sundays will be my rest days. To hold myself accountable I will take daily pics of some of my meals and all of my gym activity or at least the beginning.
This is definitely going to be a a long painful process but I hope from it blossoms this great strong human that looks good and knows herself better.
I am at the crossroads in life where I don’t really know me. I know that is a hard pill to swallow, but for the past 41 years I have been buried behind all the things I needed to be for everyone else. I believe I forgot to fully develop the person I want to or needed to be, so this journey is important. I am going to spend the next year dating me, discovering what makes me tic, being consistent, talking out my issues, screaming crying and just living. I plan on documenting every moment of the next 365 in some manner or the other and you are welcome to read or not. But this is more for me and those that might find some freedom in my courage.
Thank you in advance for reading with me, feel free to leave comments!